08 July, 2006

The Geneticist


To: "Client #666's Mother-in-law" henrikshoney @ myspace.dk
From: "Yehudi Geldstein" ilovesesamebagels @ hotmail.com
Date: 19 January 2006

Dear Your Queenship,

Sorry, I'm an American and I'm not up on quaint salutations. Pardon me for writing from my hotmail rather than my professional email, I'm a little unnerved. I know this is going to sound like a cop-out, but I have checked around my colleagues and NO-ONE has ever struck opportunistic genes like the Donaldsons seem to have. Essentially all my gene manipulation work came undone when the Donaldson opportunistic genes scooted around the inserted genetic material at around ten times the normal speed, and overwhelmed it.

Unfortunately, you may well find this same genetic material doing a similar thing to your complete selves, and it is likely, given that Frederik has inherited the slower component of the family set, it has taken some time to notice. I do apologise, because it must have been very difficult for your son to pull hairs from the heads of those various Sverre-linked cousins and second-cousins - with root attached as necessary. It all appears to have been a waste of time. I suspect the Donaldsons have had many, many generations tuning this extraordinary genetic tendency. From my limited perusal of the media the genetic material is very strong indeed.

It also leads to interesting thoughts for research - genes+environment would explain Ms Moody's extraordinary transformation to what appears close to possessing the identical genes. Regrettably, it's now entirely an open book as to how many of the selected genes may have made it through. It is looking so far as though very few have worked. Perhaps next time there won't be coincidental perfect offspring causing comparison. (I was invited to do similar work by another royal house but could tell from a screen dump of a thumbnail that no intervention could possibly achieve anything.)

If it weren't for the screeching from your daughter-in-law I would have got a word in edgewise and suggested to her that they could sell that gene for millions. Your plan to use a youthful nanny as an incubator certainly has merit (and could be fun!). That will also avoid the embarrassment of Frederik turning up to extended family events with tweezers. Pardon me for stepping outside my professional role here, but I am certain from my interactions with the princess that she will happily sacrifice conjugal relations with Frederik if she can remain sample size. Frederik, I'm sure that is no slur on your height or your masculinity. In any case, the genetic testing showed that the princess has enough male genes for both of you, so 'no worries on that score' - I picked up that phrase on my initial assignment for you in Bondi. Sorry I got the house wrong and did the initial profiling I sent you on Kate Fischer!!!!

Yours sincerely,

Yehudi

DON'T REPLY TO MY PROFESSIONAL EMAIL

3 Comments:

Blogger Kendrake said...

So THAT is what happened! Yehudi gave Mary's Boganson genes the OK on the basis of Kate Fischer's profile by mistake. Kate is of course the ex partner of Jamie Packer and a real gal. I wonder whether she knows that the DRF were on her tail! And how hilarious that Mary's Boganson genes remain untested...would the presque-zizi have squeaked (er, bass'ed) past the suits? I hope someone will ask Yehudi soon....

July 15, 2006 9:16 pm  
Anonymous Cece said...

That may be rather difficult, kenny. Yehudi hasn't been seen or heard from since that Manhattan apartment blast at the beginning of the month. I'm afraid that was his own office that imploded. The most tragic was that a good friend had just started a job there as his secretary.

Yeah, that Kate Fischer's got some great gams! No hockey calves there!

July 23, 2006 7:02 am  
Blogger Kendrake said...

Hmmmm, the orthodontist who has just straightened Professor Borgansohn's teeth may know Yehudi. Just by the by, apparently they can now work on toddlers' teeth while still in the gums (bit like surgery in the womb, maybe that failed...), so watch out for a pained Prince Christian while his most unfortunate Chad Morgan dental inheritance is being disguised!
Kendrakore

July 24, 2006 11:43 pm  

Post a Comment

<< Home