The Press Council writes to the Queen

TO: margrethe@drf.dk

FROM: Pressenævnet (Danish Press Council)

Deres Majestæt Dronning Margrethe,

Firstly, Happy Bastille Day to you and your consort. We hope that this is not too insensitive given the parallels between France in 1789 and Denmark in 2010. We only mean to acknowledge the French heritage of your husband and progeny.

You requested holiday photographs of your children and grandchildren and some of the results have not been to your satisfaction.

We must apologise, but wish to provide some explanation.

1. Obtaining fabulous, positive photos of Joachim, Marie, Nikolai, Felix and Henrik was of course easy. No nannies in sight, and besides being photogenic, they are bursting with joy and contentment and take pride in dressing the children well.

2. The press attended on Crown Princess Mary's visit to the circus, as suggested, and they had no control over the situation. She chose to wear black, and the reporters and photographers certainly didn't spray chili in the air to produce tears in both children. Nor did they Photoshop a bruise onto Isabella's arm.

3. It was impossible to convince Frederik to go out in public alone with the Princess without fulfilling an entirely inappropriate payment request, not in the form of alcohol (which we would have happily acceded to) but a more serious item, so we attempted a substitute opportunity for the Prince at a sports event with other people's children. That would have worked fine, except that the Prince forgot he is a grownup when in the company of so many kinder. Again, we had no control over the expressions on his face or the clowning around.

4. We had no control over Katja's decision to be photographed on the same day looking beautiful and wearing royal purple. How she obtained Queen Ingrid's ruby tiara to wear, we can only posit that Crown Prince Frederik facilitated the occasion. Whether that was to fulfill a deeplyfelt wish, or to annoy his wife, we cannot theorise.

5. Contrary to the Princess's advisor's assertions, we did not tip the Prince off with the fact that Katja would be in the same location overnight, and Apple were unable to block communication between Frederik's iPhone (he clearly is not in possession of the iPhone 4) and Katja, as they follow international protocols and as Denmark's royals being above the law didn't apply to the company.

We wish to respectfully submit that if the Crown Prince Couple wish to have positive coverage in the media, they consult the web advice forum Royal Dish, where the Princess will find advice on what to wear, how to behave, whom to avoid in terms of drug addicts and hangers-on, and upon whom to model her behaviour.

Please convey to Prince Joachim and his family, our delight at the news that a cousin for Princess Isabella may be on the way, and we wish to submit a request for a photo opportunity on one of Isabella's regular solo visits to Joachim's family.

The most positive coverage for the Danish Royal Family currently, would be if Prince Frederik, Katja and Isabella were photographed on an outing with Joachim and his family.

Yours truly,

Pressenævnet

14 July 2010