Mar(y)(ia) Von Trapped

Mary, Mary, Maria ... Mary's recent outing in a Hessian sack didn't just remind us of her lovelorn attempt at a "Princess Di before the Taj Mahal" misunderstood moment, wearing a grey beanie knitted from wool that looked as though some loyal subject had chewed it from a sheep's back, and wandering a cold, stony, windswept beach ... Mary has tried to divert us from the Trine Villemann account, and take us back to the sheerest schmaltz of moments, but what does the Danish Royal Family do with a maiden like Mar(y)(ia) when her tune has a subtext thus?


My Unfavorite Things

Another fucking posy, and whiskers on Henrik
Security detail and that warm woolen poor-me fucking beanie
Brown paper packages from Amber with the fucking strings untied by Customs
These are a few of my LEAST favorite things

Cream colored Danish complexions and crisp apple streudels I can't fucking touch cause I'm a fucking MESOMORPH
Trine's libels in the press that I'm a fucking doormat, off my fucking noodle
Crackhead party geesers that skulk down the corridor under the midnight moon with Frecks, off their trees
These are a few of my LEAST favorite things

Circuit girlfriends with hash cookies and access to white stashes
School-age Union eye candy with the longest eyelashes!
Gold lurex boob tubes that melted onto my skin
These were a few of my favorite things ... sigh

When the truth bites
With like for instance the bee's dick I've had to settle for as my marital routine
When I'm feeeeeeling something creating a wrinkle on my SKIN
I simply remember my UNFAVORITE things
And then my faaaaace resumes its wrinkle-proof mask and I settle for feeling baaaaaad [sotto voce: cuz of the black Amex]