03 July, 2009


Mary: Jesus fucking Christ, Christian, what the hell do you want? WHAT.THE.HELL are you trying to tell me? Just tell me fer Chrissakes! Stop yer bloody pouting. CRIKEY, yer a whinging mess!

Xn Amin Mugabe Ceaucescu: eeeeehhhhrrrr...mine...where.Far...eeerrrrraawwwwgghhh...ehhhh... want.Mette...owwwwweeeerrrrrraawwwrrggggghhh...WANT... NOOOOOOO...MINE...eeehhhhhhhh

Birgitte: Oh, dear, she's doing it again. I'll just discretely look away and pretend not to hear and if she turns to me I'll just be admiring the lovely sea. Oh, just stop, Mary. I don't want my own children to hear such things.

Nanny: Oh, I do hate it when she yells. It makes me want to just curl up and go away. Poor Christian. She's teaching him how to become a bully!

Water-bound friends: Mare's on a tear again. Let's get outta here! Swim faster!

Mary: Hey, you, tan lady, what's yer name? Gimme that. That right there, just hand it to me. Hellooooo, you, I'm talking to you. Would you please pick that up and give it to me? I need it for the children. My children are suffering without it! Do you want to be responsible for my children suffering!? Izzy, are you behaving for our guests? You better be behaving. I don't want to hear from them later what a selfish little girl you are. You got that, missy? It's not all about YOU!

Tan Lady: Why did I let myself get talked into this? A week in Italy with friends. Sounds nice, eh? Birgitte warned me, but I thought, no, it'll be ok, and I've been working so hard, thought this would be a nice break. Shoulda known. She's really so much more ghastly in real life. I think she's the first hillbilly I've ever actually seen with my own eyes. I'd heard about them before. And I saw Deliverance. Now I get it. Shiver.

Nanny: Oh, no. She's doing it again. Don't make eye contact. Poor Isabella. I just don't think there's a thing I could do for her to counter this woman. And if I'm here why is she parenting? And if she's in charge of the kids, why can't I go for a swim? Just one little swim? I may have to rethink my employment here. Why am I here!? Poor Frederik. This just means more cuddles for him in my heavy bosom, poor man.

Mary: Nanny. NANNY! HEY! What's yer name? Would you listen to me for once? Hello! It's MY holiday, not YOURS! You're on the clock, sister. Would you flipping listen to me, I'm trying to give you orders!!

Xn Amin Mugabe Ceaucescu: Hey, HEY! You, on that boat, who you lookin' at, fuckface? Piss off! Can't you see I'm trying to relax with me mum and her quiet friends? Bunch o' wankers, you, motor off!

Birgitte: Uhmmmmmm, uhmmmmmm. Breathe in. Breathe out. This whole holiday will be over soon enough.

Jeppe: Look away, look away. Man, Fred wasn't kidding when he calls her Ol' Iron Thighs! Shiver.

Nanny: Oh, God, my nerves are shot. I'll just pretend to be engaged in lovely, happy conversation with princess Mary's friends. Maybe that will be a sign for her to stop the yelling.

Wet dude: WHOA! Check out that presque-zizi! It looks like she's smuggling baguettes!

Xn Amin Mugabe Ceaucescu: WHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! WHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAA! Where's Mor(e)? I want my Mor(e)!!

Tan Lady: Christian, we love you very much. And we realised that it's not too late for you and your sister. That's why we threw your mother overboard. With no fat on her body, she sank like a stone, luckily. The nightmare is over, sweetie. Time to come into the light!

Fred: Chris, hon. It's ok. Look at me! I'm fine. See? It's all ok without Mor(e)! Look at Izzy here on my lap. She's doing great! Not sad at all. Isn't that right, Iz? We're all better off this way, son. No need to cry. It'll all be great from here on out!

Birgitte: Look, now that Mary's gone and Fred's looking more relaxed and ready to take on the challenges of being a single dad and responsible crown prince, you'll be a wonderful support to him. He does love your good nanny-bosom cuddles! Those hearty, Danish potato-poitrines do it for him everytime. We never understood the Mary diversion. Anyway, we'll make sure your salary is raised now that there are savings from firing Anja & Søren. Would you like to go change into your bathing suit now? Go have a swim! It's lovely out. Don't worry, the kids are fine with us.