22 August, 2008

Princess Mary Dumps a Load

Princess Mary dumps a load
by Toots Riptide
Hobart, 21 August 2008

After ingesting her first solid foods in approximately 7 months, Princess Mary finally murdered a brown snake this morning at her eldest sister's West Hobart home.

The transparent house provided the large group of onlookers - which included neighbours, a kindergarten class, the local knitting club as well as many mainland media outlets - with a clear view of Her Royal Highness's various facial grimaces. The glass is thick enough to not allow the grunts and moans to be heard.

The local fire bridage was on hand in case the methane load was too much for the 250 square metre house, owned by sister Jane Stephens and her husband, Craig.

"We were very pleased that the princess passed a bowel movement at 7:39 this morning. After a brief lie-down because of the possibility of fainting, Mary is now up and walking around," said spokeswoman Nina Fudala. "We anticipate the princess shall regain full strength in time for the next spontaneous visit to the Hobart Mall, which you will all notice from the schedule distributed this morning will begin promptly at 11:05am."

Most of the spectators "ohhh'd" and nodded in the complicity of shared experiences when the princess had to shuffle across the bathroom with her knickers & jodphurs around her ankles in order to retrieve a new roll of dunny paper from the cabinet.

Glenn Braxton was one of the firefighters ready to come to the princess's aid, if needed. "You got to hand it to her. I usually have to escape to the loo with a stack of magazines and a large mug of coffee. This sheila takes just 5 minutes to crap enough to sink the British Navy!"

Local wastewater treatment plant representative Tord McDoodle was honoured that Mary's effluent made it to his blackwater pond. "She must eat a right reasonable diet, that one. Her contributions sank straight to the bottom!"

The palace was not available for comment, although several freckled children were seen running from the Stephens residence into the backyard contorting their faces and waving their hands in front of their noses.