27 September, 2006

The Siggy

The following is an actual handwriting analysis we had done on Mary's signature as it appears at the bottom of her pre-nuptial agreement. The text below has only been modified in format, not in word. Swear.

Hard righthand slant
Mary is a very emotional person with a broad range of emotions from the highest highs to the lowest lows. She feels emotional situations very strongly. She'll flash to the very peaks of elation, sweeping everything before her. Then she will burn out emotionally. These mood swings can be very disturbing to her. Sometimes, she feels that she can no longer produce anything. But, after given some time alone to "recharge her emotional batteries", she will spring back into action. Mary reacts impulsively, without much thought before hand. She may plan everything in detail before she even begins, then do it completely different when the time comes to carry it through. Mary has a strong need for affection. She thrives on touching and being touched. Mary desires being told that she is loved, every day. She enjoys being the center of attention. She loves attention, sometimes she even retells stories that got her attention earlier. She likes expressing how she feels, what she is doing, and what she plans to do. She is a people person. She will work most efficiently in a people orientated job as opposed to a job working alone on an assembly line (that would drive her insane.)

The strong verticality with a righthand slant indicates someone that is impulsive, future directed, and needs to be supported by others. Mary possesses an intense personality, but has learned to control this intensity in the public eye. As you get to know Mary, you see this side of her.

Average height letters
People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. Mary is no wallflower, nor does she command the attention of a full room.

Ascending baseline
Mary is an ambitious, optimistic person with a can-do attitude.

Large and elaborate capitals followed by smaller letters
Mary has a desire to be noticed. She loves showmanship, and has a strong flair that is displayed in her choices of clothing, hairstyle, automobile and home. She does not shy away from having her ego on display.

Sharp, angular M with tail beginning at baseline
Mary can feel overwhelmed by feelings of resentment. Inflexible beginning strokes at the beginning of a word with a stroke starting at the baseline and remaining rigidly straight indicates that Mary is harboring anger, resentment or hate toward something or someone.

Beginning M has progressively smaller mounds
Diplomacy is one of Mary's best attributes. She has mastered the ability with others to say what others want to hear. She can have tact with others. She has the ability to state things in such a way as to not offend someone else. Mary can disagree without being disagreeable.

Inner o's and a's not entirely closed, with or without loops
Mary is talkative. She enjoys talking and socializing. She may talk when there is absolutely nothing important to say. She enjoys speaking.

Ending Y, open loop, not triangular
Something is incomplete in Mary's life. She feels frustration relating to her physical needs and desires. Somewhere in her life there is some disappointment, non-fulfillment, and interruption. This is very likely to relate to Mary's sexual needs.

Hard verticality and slant at inner d's and t's, like a teepee
When Mary expresses an opinion on a issue she will stick to that opinion, and probably will not change her mind. In other words... Mary is stubborn. When she is wrong about something that she has decided upon, she will have trouble admitting she is wrong. Changing Mary's mind can be very difficult. Once Mary makes up her mind, she doesn't want to be confused with the facts!

Softer, more fluid inner m's and n's
Mary is a cumulative and procedural thinker. She likes to have all the facts before making a decision. She thinks or creates much like a brick mason, stacking fact upon fact. Her thought pattern or the conclusion will not be complete until the last fact is in place. Like that brick wall, Mary learns faster through visual demonstration than through quick verbal instructions. Once she has learned new material, and understood it, she won't forget. Mary is a methodical thinker, therefore she is able to build things and come up with new ideas. In an argument, she often loses to rapid thinking people because she is thinking thirty minutes later about what she should have said. These people often are very booksmart, but can be out-gunned in a rapid fire verbal debate. She may learn new ideas at a slower pace than other "less detailed" people, but once she gets it, she can handle repetition. Some people hate jobs with too much repetition, she can handle it better than most.


Blogger Cece said...

Just as a footnote, because I've been asked about it, this is a REAL, HONEST-TO-GOODNESS handwriting analysis that was done on the signature "Mary Donaldson" as she signed it on her prenup.

Really. This is real. Nothing made up, I've only re-formatted the information I was given to present the more general information first, then a more orderly presentation of the different results depending on the letter, to follow their placement in her siggy.

Not made up at all! But doesn't it seem like it!!!???

September 28, 2006 3:07 am  
Blogger vanessa said...

Apart from the very obvious choice of "You're So Vain" by Carly Simon, the song that most depicts Mary's character is the classic "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy" by Glen Campbell.

Just listen to the words of that song:

'...and I'll dream of the things I'll do, with a dollar tucked inside my shoe...'

'...there'll be a lot of compromising, on the road to my horizon, but I'm GONNA BE WHERE THE LIGHTS ARE SHINING ON ME...LIKE A RHINESTONE COWBOY...riding out on a horse in a star-spangled rodeo...'

The woman has no class, no matter what her pretensions and delusions of grandeur are; the artifice, the designer clothes, the jewels - or the DRF's spin-doctoring to achieve Mary-adoration by conditioning.

September 29, 2006 2:47 pm  
Anonymous sunny said...

Sexually unfilled, huh. Thought so. It comes across in the body language or lack thereof. I guess Mary is still dreaming about that hunky rugby player she had to drop when Prince Freddie came calling with his black Amex. I always thought Freddie might be a little light weight in the bedroom. And if she was honest, I bet Mary actually prefers a hairy chest, lots of muscles and girth :-0.

October 02, 2006 10:52 am  
Blogger Cece said...

Sunny, didn't she actually get it on with Prince Niko before Freddles flashed the black AmEx? Isn't that why Felipe didn't stick around the Slip Inn - maybe we've solved the mystery on whether another crown prince actually was present that night. Flipper was disgusted by the bogan mating rituals and Niko's description of Mary on another night, and high-tailed it out of there!

I, too, suspect Mary likes 'em more girthy and robust. Must be the pictish genes in her. Yes, she must be missing rugby boyz something awful! :)

October 02, 2006 11:23 am  
Blogger Kendrake said...

Indeed, Sunny and Cece, I think it is de rigueur, is it not, for the bloke to have at least a hairiER chest than the gal...judging from the airbrushing at the nape of Hairy Mary's neck the other day, there's a Cher-esque all-over depilation from time to time. For some reason they keep missing Mary's underarms. Or does Fred insist that muscle-bound Mary remains hirsute in all the hidden places so he can project his missing masculinity?
I'm reminded of that photograph of John Lennon in foetal position tucked up against his Baba Yaga, Yoko Ono.
i think the Frederik/Mary relationship is up there with Wallis and Edward and John and Yoko.

October 02, 2006 3:07 pm  
Blogger vanessa said...

Kendrake, I thoroughly enjoy your comments, but in this instance, I disagree. There was love between those couples you mention; and, er, you know, other things...

I do however, think that, rather than being a relationship of co-dependence for Fred and Mares, it's more mutual satisfaction. Play around with that anyway you want. :)

October 02, 2006 7:41 pm  
Blogger Cece said...

Mutual satisfaction indeed with Mares, I agree, Van. Although the Photoshop opportunities with F&M's faces on John & Yoko's famous pose are irresistible. Pegging Fred as clinging to his Nanny Boo-boo's skirts isn't too far off, not that he gets any relief from Mama Mary. Mumsy-Daisy wasn't around all that much, leaving him needy, hence the macho Navy SEAL crap. I think mother and son have some strange, distant Oedipal thing.

As I see it, that night at the Slip Inn, Freddles realised he could tap into his Inner Bogan with Mary, and Mary realised she could tap into her Inner Princess. Tepid "dating" ensued and off into marriage-as-a-business arrangement Mumsy-Daisy ultimately landed them.

October 03, 2006 3:04 am  
Anonymous Cassandra said...

I have studied grapholoy and I believe in it. The ideal sample is several sentences long; you can get a very insightful and detailed portrait of a person.

The other thing I learned was that "one's" overall impression or intuition is often right. If writing looks tortured, for example, the person is often someone who is suffering.

What strikes me most is the forward slant. This is classic for a striver, someone who is pushing towards the future.

October 03, 2006 10:47 pm  

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