27 November, 2006

Dockside deals

Crown Prince Frederik of Denmark, aka "Fred":
"Hey, guys, it's great to meet you and hang out together. Wonderful weather we're having, wouldn't you agree? I understand that John here was telling you all about the red velvet diplomatic bag that I've travelled down here with. Actually a new American musician friend filled it back up for me recently. I thought maybe you'd like to check it out and "examine the contents", as it were, hehe. Ladies first, right fellas? There, go ahead, take it. I think you'll really like it. Now, say, who amongst you sails? Anyone? No? Hm, well, who here likes a good beer, eh, any takers? What? Oh, yes, well, right, yes I suppose I could purchase a few cases of beer and some snacks, sounds great. Yeah. So you all used to skip school together? Excellent. Gosh, this is great, guys, isn't it?"

Bald friend: "John, uh, your fucking fly is down, mate. Hey, how much you asking for the car?"

John Stuart Boganson's butt crack:
"You media FUCKWADS! This was suppos'd to be a PRRRRRIVATE meeting. Get the fuck oot of 'ere. We're not doin' anythin bad or illegal or anythin, so just get the FUCK OUT OF 'ERE! You're all a bunch of the suckingest dick suckers who ever SUCKED, so suck it and mouv on! New! Before I sprrray you with some of my Skanknak-MacBoganderry juice. Yeah, you thought me sister's butt was tellin' ya somethin' at the zoo. You ain't seen nothin'! New, BEAT IT!"

Tall, hairy friend:
"John, where did you fucking find this guy, this is amazing. I can't believe you guys scored like a total ambassador's stash. Shit, we're not being watched or followed are we? Man, I can't believe this primo stuff! This is sweet! We don't have to pay for this do we, mate? Hey, we've got to take this guy back to my place and just get stoked. Kim broke up with me, bitch, so I've the place to myself now. We can hang out on the futon all night and just enjoy the fucking show! Killer! This is so AWESOME! You really gonna be a fucking king? Hey, kick that pommie bastard Charles in the nads for me, huh - you're way better."

"Really? Me? Oh my god? Thank you, wow, thank you so much. So, you're really a prince, right? Wow. You're so funny and witty, too. Hahahaha, oh stop, you're too much, oh my god."

Little guy:
"I get really hungry when I'm stoned, like I really have to have some pizza. Really bad. With like green olives, mate. Not black olives, green olives. You know, like the kind they put in martinis, but you know, without the little red thing in the middle of it. I think it's called a pimento or maybe it's a piece of red pepper or tomato or something. I don't know, but anyway it's that kind of green olive. Definitely not the black ones. I think those are from a can, you can't even taste any brine. No real olive-y taste. You've got to have that salty olive-y taste. Hey, Fred, does Snoop Dogg like pizza?"


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Being married to an emu really makes 'one' quite miserable!
Is this really the future king of Denmark? Would Haakon or Felipe find themselves in such a situation?

November 28, 2006 6:24 pm  
Anonymous Kenocchio said...

That's our 'down to earth' heir, indulging in a little everyday relief, digits down in the diplomatic bag, to retrieve the consignment.... he's done with dipping his wick, now the pictish princess is all sewn up with a gaptoothed bogan in the bag, and Fred can do what he's best at...

Cece and Hester - the blog is terrific and should be in print!

November 28, 2006 9:04 pm  
Anonymous sunny said...

Cece, I choked on my cab-merlot when I started to read this, starting wtih the "red velvent diplomatic bag". You are SOOOOOOOO hilarious. So is the red velvet bag for real? I suspect that within the next five years there will be a drug scandal involving Fred. Too much smoke, gotta be a fire.

November 28, 2006 10:03 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So Mares is now in Melbourne. No reason not to fly direct from Hobart to Sydney. So she must either be visiting Amber or her old flame Brent Annells? Any word on where she is staying? Is she coming to Sydney or not? Where is Fred and the red velvet diplomatic bag? On his way back to Denmark already...perhaps with a pitstop in Northern Thailand or Myanmar to 'refuel' ???

November 29, 2006 12:03 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Highly urban back-alley Bangkok is probably as far as Fred would need to get...

November 29, 2006 12:30 am  
Blogger Cece said...

Yes, Virginia, there is a red velvet diplomatic bag just as there is a Santa Claus...just believe like me n Hes. Try a shiraz-grenache blend...goes down easier with powdery desserts!

Do not fret, Mary is making proper accommodations for the rest of the trip. The Hobart end was a bit of a jolt, must trouble-shoot and start over. Patience, children, they are handing us GOLD.

November 29, 2006 3:41 am  
Anonymous Pizza Boy said...

Hey Guys, After a budget week with the family in Tassie, Fred's got enough Frequent Flyer points to take me and a couple of mates to Bali for a weekend. Plans to visit some new Health Spa where they wrap you in herbs and bind you in plastic ! We even get new matching outfits, PRADA tropical prints COOL. However Fred's got to travel separate though - something about royal protocol! He says we might even get to meet Shappelle if it ' All goes pear shaped '


November 29, 2006 10:39 am  
Anonymous sunny said...

Check out the link to the image of the car that John Junior and Fred Meagre rocked up to the docklands in. The car has a 'for sale' sign in the window. So it looks like Mary is catching up with all of her ex-boyfriends on this tour. This is private trip and without the Australian taxpayers teat to latch on to, she resorted to calling her ex in Taz who is the used car dealer to organise appropriate transporation. Any word on the other types of creative funding the Danish trio have used to fund their holiday ? What does Brent Annells have to offer in Melbourne..I recall he had a pretty hot physique ?

November 29, 2006 10:45 am  
Anonymous sunny said...

As a follow-up to my post on how this holiday is being funded, I just read that the CROWN Princess flew Jetstar from Hobart to Melbourne. I guess during all the years Mary' slept around Australia looking for a man with some 'assets' she never made it into the league of men who own private planes ?? But Jetstar!! Wow, she and Christian will need therapy when they get back to reverse the trauma of travelling budget (and I mean budget) economy class. Although I suppose she got to sit in the first row for a few extra mil of leg room Would love to get some shots of her on board. Not happy, Fred, not happy.

November 29, 2006 11:02 am  
Anonymous kitty said...

Can anyone make out the phone number on the car's For Sale sign? If so, call it and see who answers!!

November 29, 2006 3:31 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did Jock Boganson's appearances at the summer garden parties of both the American and British ambassadors lead to a bigger diplomatic bag, or did Freddo already have a connection in the Danish gov't?

The question becomes: what does Jock Boganson get in return? What will the final destination be for him and Suse. Sorry, a bit OT for this post, but one does wonder. Funny how John Stuart talks like his dad when he's upset! He must be growing a chip on his shoulder the size of his sister's gallstones what with the Boganson chieftain position passing him over completely. No wonder he's gone back to hanging with the old crowd, might make him feel like a big fish in a small pond and he can show off the royal who after too much powder sleeps upside down under one of Jane's many new balconies!

November 29, 2006 3:39 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Credit where it is due, Fred did stock in-laws pantry for them,they will be able to eat this week.
Feel for the kiddies though now that DRF have left Tassie they have to revert to commoners like the rest of us, no media following their every move. Must be a big let down for one's so young.

November 29, 2006 8:47 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well another part of the funding puzzle has fallen into place. Mary's 'impromptu' visit to the school in Melbourne means the charity (Red Barnet) paid for the Como suite and probably a whole lot more.

November 29, 2006 10:58 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Of all the schools in Melbourne, the press just happened to be at the right place when the secret visit took place, have they all got ESP?

November 29, 2006 11:45 pm  
Anonymous Cassini said...

I think we can all be assured it’s progressed way past personal consumption quantities and has moved into to Balanese furnishings.
Party Boys inc. have just released a new Bogan range of lounge furniture that’s set to knock IKEA as the preferred brand for Toffs.
Available in Three (3) designer styles which will permit our most decerning recreationalist total relaxation. The new range includes –

The CRUISE suite – Very unstable so please don't jump on it! Its best suited for a young wife with kid.

The MOSS suite – Lightweight design features little padding and delicate widespread legs.

The KEITH RICHARDS suite – 'Antique Distressed Appearance' complete with thick wood grain features. Timeless – Wil most likely outlast the grandchildren (and their kids for that matter!)

All available at your local "Jock Bogansons Whorehouse". Get in quick for your deal before the Customs Clearance !

November 30, 2006 1:07 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

They managed to dissapear in Tassie, why can't they in Melbourne?? any connection with their expenses being paid now?

November 30, 2006 3:43 pm  

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